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Missing life

My daughter said I was old today, I laughed, ‘You say that like I have grey hair, like a grannie with a walking stick!’, oh shit. That’s me! I’m a grandma, have grey hair (I dye regularly) and a walking stick. I’m old, where did time go? Actually I’m not old, I’m more mid life at 40 though my disability and body make me feel much older everyday.

My grand daughter is actually here today, she’s a little ray of sunshine in a dark world.

When in life do we stop with our inquisitive nature, our love to learn, our passion for life?

At 11 months old our granddaughter is running round and touching everything, really taking in everything, your body language, your tone, the feel of fabrics and food, the different animals (dog, cat, guinea pigs, hopefully chickens soon) at our home. She’s so happy! So full of laughter!

I miss that. I’m not sure I ever felt that, I must have at some point just exactly when did that change?

I was never overly popular at school, I had extreme migraines, could never remember names or even faces, I was constantly lost in school. So I never really knew anyone. This went on all through primary and secondary with me only ‘waking up’ to the world around me at about 16.

I was a compliant child, I tried my best, but never really had a passion for anything in particular. I liked art and felt calm drawing which I did most the time.

I think I lost all spark by not being able to connect early on to others. I’ve only had this skill from being a young adult.

I want that spark back, to feel the inquisitive nature and passion for learning that the young somehow automatically have. That energy! Pain and care free with no worries.

Where o’ where can I find you spark, come home to me, I miss you.


Published by faithaugust

Clinical Hypnotherapist, mother, wife & grandmother. Sun worshipper and Spiritualist. Inspired by Art and the beauty of the world.

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