Awakening to pathological attention seeking in partners

Your always on your phone, who is that? Is it…? Why do they call all the time? I don’t like …., what did you make for tea? I don’t want that it’s disgusting. I do everything here. Have you spoken to .. recently? I do everything for you? Don’t start that again. Are you listening to me? You never listen to me.

Doing something on purpose to annoy you. Trying to wind you up. Get attention. Wants to be the only person in your life. Controlling. Questioning. Hates all your friends. Is everything you do wrong?

No

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Your amazing, strong and resilient and if any of the above seems familiar, I want you to reach inside yourself and be courageous. Do you really need to live this life? Or could your life be better? Could you help this person? So they need a therapist?

Imagine life without that negativity and control, plan your future and how it will look. Don’t react to the negativity, ignore this, it’s attention seeking behaviour and a pathological illness. Your spouse is insecure.

It sounds like you shouldn’t do this but to make changes you need almost excessive positivity. Reassurance. Calm. Patience.

Your spouse probably thinks your friends don’t like them (they probably see a controlling person), what they are witnessing is historic insecurities projected onto you.

Your spouse will know if you fake a reaction so keep reactions to unwanted behaviour simple. Change the subject. Don’t react.

Don’t chase after them, or expect them to chase after you. It’s all about them so if you leave they won’t come looking. If they leave they want you to look and worry. Best advice, walk away, ask if you can discuss whatever it is tomorrow. Don’t panic, don’t react in any extreme way. Keep calm and focus on facts. Obviously if you think they could be in danger, alert the police.

Keep boundaries, what will you absolutely not tolerate? Personally I really dislike being nudged to get my attention. It’s rude and uncomfortable. So say, if you want my attention just say my name, I am paying attention.

Has something recently caused this behaviour to start? What was it? Have you asked if they are okay? Do they actually want to talk about something important but not knowing how, bombard you with their own emotions by acting out? Tell them they can talk to you if something is bothering them.

Don’t forget not everyone wants help and some may require professional help. Usually something has happened either in the past to trigger this behaviour and once it’s addressed it may settle down again.

Stay safe, stay positive x

Published by faithaugust

Clinical Hypnotherapist, mother, wife & grandmother. Sun worshipper and Spiritualist. Inspired by Art and the beauty of the world.

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