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Ramblings of a fraught mind

Life’s so good at throwing you a curve ball; whether it be family, health, wealth.

Just when you think life’s getting better, your routine which you count on so much for your own personal sanity is turned upside down.

Your home no longer feels the clean tidy safe place it usually is. You are sharing space unexpectedly. You opened your home and yet feel undervalued, unappreciated.

Even worse you are hit with health worries, of course people are worried about you, but what about how you feel? Does anyone really understand?

Will you loose all your hair? Will your partner still find you attractive? Will anyone step up and help in the house? Will your daughter be put first if you die? Am I going to go through all of this feeling like my feelings aren’t important? That I’m slightly insane for hating all the changes and voicing that I’m not happy? That I should also consider other adults feelings above my own?

Feeling absolutely lost in my own mind. In a never ending cycle of illness and cleaning, additional family stress, additional family drama. This is why I’ve distanced myself previously. From everyone. Life’s so much less complicated without catching feelings for others, grandchildren, stepchildren. When the drama is on your doorstep and you can’t give unwelcome advice, when what you plan or feel is put second to others, when you can see the right but they can’t see the wrong.

Frustration, fear, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, sadness and grief. That is how I’m feeling right now. I don’t expect everyone to stay strong, I understand others have feelings, so why do I feel as though my own don’t count. That I’m the bad guy in every situation.

Well screw you world. I am going to do what makes me happy now, I will say what I like because my happiness shouldn’t be based on other people. If they don’t like my opinion that’s fine but I have one. I’m allowed one. If this makes me a bad guy, bring it on.

Maybe one day, someone will say, she was right ya know. Till then, I guess I’m doing this on my own.


Published by faithaugust

Clinical Hypnotherapist, mother, wife & grandmother. Sun worshipper and Spiritualist. Inspired by Art and the beauty of the world.

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