Dreams

I had a beautiful dream last night.

Our family had moved, it seemed to be a different planet and it was so incredible.

There were land animals and the animals lived along side the people, we actually moved out of the way for the animals. I was sat under a tree branch, next to a table with a glass of lemonade wearing beautiful coloured clothes, next to an unusual yet equally beautiful woman.

I asked the woman where the music was coming from and she pointed to the branch above. Along the branch were hundreds of little bugs.

The paths around us seemed to twist in and out, up and down through forest but it was light and bright.

Space was distorted, you could move to somewhere by pulling it to you or yourself to it.

My husband had found a new job and was working with the equivalent fire service making buildings secure and structurally sound. They used sound waves to move debris to river ways so there was never any dust or dirt.

The water was crystal clear but no one used the water. It was kept for the water animals.

In my dream people were happy and peaceful and everything was so clear and bright. It was like a moving painting of absolute perfection.

Book Review

Happiness is me and a book!

I love reading, I read anything and everything. I have a special interest in spirituality, faith and life so when I saw a fellow blogger, had written a book I was super excited!

This book is by Ashok Wahi and is called 4 Pillars of Abundant Life.

At this moment in time I was teaching my daughter the principle of happiness. I found this book gave me a wonderful grounding on how to tackle these teachings and be thankful for all we have, especially all those little things we take for granted every single day.

Ashoks writings also made my heart literally swell with happiness, that there are others out in the world who pray for strangers. I always wondered if I was a little odd as I said a prayer for strangers-people I wished well as I drove passed them.

If your looking for a guiding light to reset your balance in life then please do grab yourself a copy of this beautiful book.

The dangers of self help videos

When you suffer a traumatic experience at the hands of someone else, it’s natural to want to know why.

Usually people will think it over, talk to friends or maybe even a counsellor and be satisfied that people are so complex, so different in thought patterns and feelings that a simple answer will suffice.

Sometimes however, especially if you have time to spare, we turn to self help videos and seminars. Now your thinking there’s no harm in this? But these videos drip feed information in a yes pattern, this yes pattern tricks your mind into agreement and leaves you wanting to know more as promised in the next video, and the next and the next and so on.

These are usually subscription services preying on vulnerable people.

What they are actually doing is far more harm than good. By reliving the thought process over and over again you are reinforcing it in your mind, ok that event may have occurred because you now know the perpetrator was a sociopath or narcissistic. But do you really need to know all the ins and outs of that personality trait?

In fact your programming your mind to constantly look for these traits in others in order to protect yourself in the future. Therefore labelling people who may say or do the wrong thing once on the off chance and not allowing yourself that opportunity to move on.

If your constantly trying to evaluate the past, how are you moving forward with your life? I’m not asking you to forget, I’m asking that if you subscribe to self help videos which try to evaluate patterns of behaviour in relationships between people in a negative way; you will never truly be able to move on from that moment.

Fill your mind with all the great possibilities of things to come, plan your future happiness, research if you need to but don’t fall into the yes pattern.

I use the yes pattern in hypnosis sessions and it’s great for treating people and changing thought patterns to positive patterns. To dwell on a negative thought is to damage your mind. Unless your a psychiatrist etc why do you need to know the personal traits of a psychopath? In depth? Over and over again? Reliving and trying to understand why you? That will never ever give you closure.

The trick to closure is putting that bad memory or experience away, because what matters now is you and your future experiences. So don’t force yourself to try and understand something you really never will. Plan your future free from that trauma, help each other heal in healthy ways and stay positive about your future. The world needs you and your experiences to learn how to heal and become better.

Winter miracle

Feathers, dancing in the breeze. Falling thick and fast, settling on boughs of trees, and everything it comes to pass. Like happiness floating down from above, coating all it comes to touch. Every drop a little different from the rest, individual little stars. Beauty in its crystal form, mesmerising to watch, faces fill windows to see the storm, watching colour fade and light permeate. How clean everything appears when coated in your sweetness, angel tears form on rooftops, like little spears of greatness. That little coating soon gets deep and children grin and sing with glee, soon they can go out and play, creating sculptures of cold, whiteness. The roads get quiet and if you listen good, you will hear those feathers land lightly, soon all you see is pure brilliant light and happiness surrounds us.

The new now?

If right now is the new normal how can we adapt and change?

It’s quite depressing being alone, at home, not able to explore anywhere outside 5 miles.

Will we become movers, flitting from one home to another just to change scenery? The idea has certainly crossed my mind. A temporary house move, somewhere wild and green, perhaps near the sea?

Will I ever be able to not wear a face covering? Will cinemas cease to exist? Will viruses become a thing of the past or should we be bunkering down to brace ourselves against a fierce future?

I believe we need to return to more basic times, when people grew their own food, made their own clothes.

The new now is going to change again, but can we make it change for the better?

2021 needs.. ALIENS

Come on, it’s been a strange 2020, leading into an unequivocal 2021.

It’s a time of change on an unprecedented level. Self isolating healthy people, against a mutating global virus.

Nothing like in the movies when only one continent becomes ravaged by viral infections and is locked down so the rest of the world becomes a utopia of safety.

I feel 2021 needs something friendlier, not just healing but an amazing reveal! Maybe Alien saviours curing our ills. I mean for me that would be great, I’d settle for a global awakening and awareness. Humanity is the main predator on the planet, land and water, but I don’t see much giving back.

I’d like aliens to swoop in, educate all on inter species living and respect. Wouldn’t that be nice!

I can dream x

Awakening to pathological attention seeking in partners

Your always on your phone, who is that? Is it…? Why do they call all the time? I don’t like …., what did you make for tea? I don’t want that it’s disgusting. I do everything here. Have you spoken to .. recently? I do everything for you? Don’t start that again. Are you listening to me? You never listen to me.

Doing something on purpose to annoy you. Trying to wind you up. Get attention. Wants to be the only person in your life. Controlling. Questioning. Hates all your friends. Is everything you do wrong?

No

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Your amazing, strong and resilient and if any of the above seems familiar, I want you to reach inside yourself and be courageous. Do you really need to live this life? Or could your life be better? Could you help this person? So they need a therapist?

Imagine life without that negativity and control, plan your future and how it will look. Don’t react to the negativity, ignore this, it’s attention seeking behaviour and a pathological illness. Your spouse is insecure.

It sounds like you shouldn’t do this but to make changes you need almost excessive positivity. Reassurance. Calm. Patience.

Your spouse probably thinks your friends don’t like them (they probably see a controlling person), what they are witnessing is historic insecurities projected onto you.

Your spouse will know if you fake a reaction so keep reactions to unwanted behaviour simple. Change the subject. Don’t react.

Don’t chase after them, or expect them to chase after you. It’s all about them so if you leave they won’t come looking. If they leave they want you to look and worry. Best advice, walk away, ask if you can discuss whatever it is tomorrow. Don’t panic, don’t react in any extreme way. Keep calm and focus on facts. Obviously if you think they could be in danger, alert the police.

Keep boundaries, what will you absolutely not tolerate? Personally I really dislike being nudged to get my attention. It’s rude and uncomfortable. So say, if you want my attention just say my name, I am paying attention.

Has something recently caused this behaviour to start? What was it? Have you asked if they are okay? Do they actually want to talk about something important but not knowing how, bombard you with their own emotions by acting out? Tell them they can talk to you if something is bothering them.

Don’t forget not everyone wants help and some may require professional help. Usually something has happened either in the past to trigger this behaviour and once it’s addressed it may settle down again.

Stay safe, stay positive x

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Having an ‘off’ day

We can’t always expect to feel fabulous 100% of the time.

It could be illness, hormones, what you’ve eaten, how others treat you and an innumerable amount of other daily things that can knock your boat.

But how do you bounce back?

Let me tell you about a boat rocking day and how I managed it. (More a capsize).

I have a very lovely teen, headstrong and loving. My teen however is anti-school. Following a series of bad incidents at school we now home school. The road to recovery is slow but constantly improving. This lockdown is affecting us all and motivation for my teen has been seriously lacking recently.

We have a trust system, work given by tutors is completed and handed in. Now for the past two weeks I noticed a dramatic dip in effort, engagement and attitude.

All teens go through this and I imagine the number is very high right now over the world. Thousands of unmotivated teens. Unable to let off steam, socialise, undertake activities, change the scenery.

Now as an adult I think we can all agree we have felt the same, the difference being we have coping mechanisms gained through life experience. If we can’t cope we usually reach out, or, it’s builds up, the patience wearing and getting thinner and thinner…. a ticking time bomb of built up emotion.

What does that time bomb look like in a teen. Let’s take a look.

A change in behaviour: be it in attitude, music, attention, energy; any sudden change can imply a problem. Most problems are not physical they are mental. Negative thought patterns ensue and what can be interpreted as a decline in behaviour is actually an internal struggle. How do they manage the changes? Who are they? What do they like?

The answer is they don’t know themselves.

This off day turns into an off week, to an off fortnight and it grows.

So how can you counteract this change? Help? Support?

On the day my teen exploded. And I say this metaphorically but it’s a great metaphor for it. I decided to turn everything on its head.

So you don’t enjoy anything? Okay let’s not do any work today. You don’t know what you want to do? Let’s sit, do nothing! Watch a film, eat popcorn. You have no friends? Well okay but I’ve secretly arranged for some of your friends to randomly FaceTime you; why? Because their parents are having the same issues. You have no goal in life? That’s okay! I’m 40 and only just found my calling! Life is a strange ever changing and ever learning circle. You won’t talk to me today? That’s ok, do you want to do some art? Write a journal? Chat online on your games? Reassurance, positivity and encouragement are needed constantly. Just because your baby is no longer a baby definitely does not mean they require less love and attention. As they grow it’s easy to become lost in our own lives as they become independent.

Therapy is found in things we take for granted.

It’s okay to stop. Take a day or two off. Do nothing but heal. Take time to just be together or just be apart.

But reassure, encourage, hug, appreciate each other, tell them they’re going to be okay, tell them you live them, read their last essay and encourage them in their writing, how neat or easily readable, well set it is.

Right now to avoid the off days pay attention to those around you and build them up! So they can’t knock themselves down, listen without judgement and don’t give advice directly. If your in a negative mood would you take that advice or discard it? Instead build that person up! Compliments can go a very long way, positive language is healing.

If you need a build up, talk and ask friends to just listen. Get things off your chest, release that burden and weight and imagine the release, really feel it. Write things down. Shut that journal and start again.

An odd day can quickly escalate. Let’s try to be more considerate to ourselves and others. Talk, listen, change your routine, meditate, journal, be the change!

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