We can’t always expect to feel fabulous 100% of the time.
It could be illness, hormones, what you’ve eaten, how others treat you and an innumerable amount of other daily things that can knock your boat.
But how do you bounce back?
Let me tell you about a boat rocking day and how I managed it. (More a capsize).
I have a very lovely teen, headstrong and loving. My teen however is anti-school. Following a series of bad incidents at school we now home school. The road to recovery is slow but constantly improving. This lockdown is affecting us all and motivation for my teen has been seriously lacking recently.
We have a trust system, work given by tutors is completed and handed in. Now for the past two weeks I noticed a dramatic dip in effort, engagement and attitude.
All teens go through this and I imagine the number is very high right now over the world. Thousands of unmotivated teens. Unable to let off steam, socialise, undertake activities, change the scenery.
Now as an adult I think we can all agree we have felt the same, the difference being we have coping mechanisms gained through life experience. If we can’t cope we usually reach out, or, it’s builds up, the patience wearing and getting thinner and thinner…. a ticking time bomb of built up emotion.
What does that time bomb look like in a teen. Let’s take a look.
A change in behaviour: be it in attitude, music, attention, energy; any sudden change can imply a problem. Most problems are not physical they are mental. Negative thought patterns ensue and what can be interpreted as a decline in behaviour is actually an internal struggle. How do they manage the changes? Who are they? What do they like?
The answer is they don’t know themselves.
This off day turns into an off week, to an off fortnight and it grows.
So how can you counteract this change? Help? Support?
On the day my teen exploded. And I say this metaphorically but it’s a great metaphor for it. I decided to turn everything on its head.
So you don’t enjoy anything? Okay let’s not do any work today. You don’t know what you want to do? Let’s sit, do nothing! Watch a film, eat popcorn. You have no friends? Well okay but I’ve secretly arranged for some of your friends to randomly FaceTime you; why? Because their parents are having the same issues. You have no goal in life? That’s okay! I’m 40 and only just found my calling! Life is a strange ever changing and ever learning circle. You won’t talk to me today? That’s ok, do you want to do some art? Write a journal? Chat online on your games? Reassurance, positivity and encouragement are needed constantly. Just because your baby is no longer a baby definitely does not mean they require less love and attention. As they grow it’s easy to become lost in our own lives as they become independent.
Therapy is found in things we take for granted.
It’s okay to stop. Take a day or two off. Do nothing but heal. Take time to just be together or just be apart.
But reassure, encourage, hug, appreciate each other, tell them they’re going to be okay, tell them you live them, read their last essay and encourage them in their writing, how neat or easily readable, well set it is.
Right now to avoid the off days pay attention to those around you and build them up! So they can’t knock themselves down, listen without judgement and don’t give advice directly. If your in a negative mood would you take that advice or discard it? Instead build that person up! Compliments can go a very long way, positive language is healing.
If you need a build up, talk and ask friends to just listen. Get things off your chest, release that burden and weight and imagine the release, really feel it. Write things down. Shut that journal and start again.
An odd day can quickly escalate. Let’s try to be more considerate to ourselves and others. Talk, listen, change your routine, meditate, journal, be the change!