I Was Visited.

A few days ago, I was in terrible pain. I was scared and I was being rushed back into surgery. But I remember so vivid the colour and detail in features the dream I had after surgery. A golden person so bright they shone brighter than anything we can see, visited me. They did not

Bariatric Downs…

I havent posted for a while. Six days and it feels like months ago, time goes very slow when you don’t feel your best. Sorry for the last photo! But anyway, after I was discharged I went on an outpatient waiting list. 6-8 weeks. Despite me saying how sick I was on the tube feed.

Feeling a little let down

I’ve had a great 15 day stay at the hotel NHS Hospital where I have seen first hand the hard work and effort the nurses put in to caring above and beyond their duties for those admitted. However, I’ve also experienced the miscommunication between consultants, difference of opinions resulting in differing advice and therefore ultimately

Frail

Looking pale Body failing Operated on slowly healing Hair white Bed pan in sight Up at night no delight Nurses fussing Feel ignored Sleep all day Soon get bored Unsure what else life has to offer Not quite sure why they bother Keep on smiling Say the right things Don’t complain Made of stronger things.

Let it go

I realised I’ve been holding onto so much. Thoughts, opinions, things that are none of my concern because other peoples actions aren’t my issue and their thoughts their own not mine. I’m letting it all go, I don’t care because it’s none of my business too. I am only responsible for what I think and

Love Yourself

This journey is still a struggle. From knowing I’ll never be able to eat a full size meal to surgery problems and hair loss, there are pitfalls I wish I’d known prior to going through with it. The worst is actually the body dysmorphia. I still buy clothes too big and feel big myself and

Depressed day

I’ve been trying to look after myself a little better. I’ve had my hair and nails done, today I’m having eye lash extensions. And yet all of this is a front as I feel empty. I don’t know why, I have lots I should be thankful for. I have zero energy, I don’t care really

Teens need hugs too

Especially mine but on their terms of course. I don’t know what triggers anxiety and panic attacks with me or my teen, sometimes it just happens. Last night around 10.30pm I had a tearful, shaking 16year old rush in, jump in my bed and hug me. I held her close and told her I was

Silence is Golden

Not all the times of course, simple pleasure comes from sound. Silence of the mind however is worth more than any gold. Being able to turn off the internal monologue and chatter, such a beautiful thing to do. To be completely at peace. I’m working on this but it eludes me. Eventually I actually end

Such sorrow in Family Values

There was a young man who unfortunately married the wrong woman. He suffered years of abuse and when he found the strength to leave his parents picked up his shattered heart and life and gave him all they had to rebuild his life. They housed him and his children, sharing rooms so they could all